IAS TOPPERS ANSWERS

IAS TOPPERS ANSWERS Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? A. Concrete floors are very h ard to crack! (UPSC Topper) Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS) Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have? A. Very l arge hands. (Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS) Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES) Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep? A. No Probs , He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98) Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2) Q. What looks like half apple ? A: The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper ) Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ? A: Dinner. Q. What happened when wheel was invented ? A: It caused a revolution. Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state? A: Liquid (UPSC 33Rank ) Below are the Interview Questions, which were asked in HR Round..... No one will GET second chance to impress.... Very very Impressive Questions and Answers..... ... Question 1: You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus: An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. An old friend who once saved your life. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car? This is a moral/ethical dilem ma that was once ac tually used as part of a job application. * You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; * or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to! pay him back. * However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again. The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer? He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams." Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box." Question 2: What will you do if I run away with your sister?" The candidate who was selected answered " I will not get a better match for my sister than you sir" Question 3: Interviewer (to a student girl candidate) - What is one morning you woke up & found that you were pregnant. Girl - I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband. Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed it well. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked Question 4: Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate. Coffee arrived kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you? Candidate: Instantly replied "Tea" He got selected. You know how and why did he say "TEA" when he knows very well that coffee was kept before. (Answer: The question was "What is before you (U - alphabet) Reply was "TEA" ( T - alphabet) Alphabet "T" was before Alphabet "U" Question 5: Where Lord Rama would have celebrated his "First Diwali"? People will start thinking of Ayodya, Mitila [Janaki's place], Lanka etc... But the logic is, Diwali was a celebrated as a mark of Lord Krishna Killing N arakasura. In Dusavata ar, Krishnavatha ar comes after Raa mavatha ar. So, Lord Rama would not have celebrated the Diwali At all! Question 6: The interviewer asked to the candidate "This is your last question of the interview. Please tell me the exact position of the center of this table where u have kept your files." Candidate confidently put one of his finger at some point at the table and told that this was the central point at the table. Interviewer asked how did u get to know that this being the central point of this table, then he answers quickly that "sir u r not likely to ask any more question, as it was the last question that u promised to ask....." And hence, he was selected as because of his quick-wittedness. ....... This is What Interviewer expects from the Interviewee. ...

WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH..

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH......
FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK : ( and you would find out the
same ..
!!!! )


1 ) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."


----------------------------------------

2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting
the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"


--------------------------------------------------

3) Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."

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4) Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)

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5) Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech support : ##### ***

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6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ******_____####

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7) Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"
Customer : "Pentium."

Tech support : ////-----+++
--------------------------------------------------

8) Customer : "My computer is telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
Tech support : ??????

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9) Customer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Tech Support : ?!%#$
--------------------------------------------------

10) Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support : ??????

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11) Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to
print document, but the computer won't boot properly."

Tech Support : "What does it say?"

Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

Tech support : @@@@@
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12) Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

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13) Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"

Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support : "Well?"

Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"

Tech support : *** ---- ++++
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The best of the lot

14) A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that
his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: (keep quite)

Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup
and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

Tech support::

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is
frustrated and fed up.


Tech support::(hush hush)

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is
an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.
Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User : MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you
the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User : I need a new power supply.

Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?

Tech support : (hush hush)

User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said,
and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with
NOSMOKE.

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Height Of it all (Too Good)

15) Customer : I need a product identification number right now

Customer Care Officer : and may I help u in finding it out?

Cust : sure !!!!

CCO : could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your
computer?

Marketing simplified

A Professor at one of the IIMs was explaining marketing concepts to  the Students:

  1.. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to  her and say: "I am very rich.
  "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"

  2.. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a  gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and  pointing at you says: "He's very rich.
  "Marry him." -That's Advertising"

  3.. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to  her and get her telephone number. The next day, you  call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich.
  "Marry me - That's Telemarketing"

  4.. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up  and straighten your tie, you
  walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the  car)for her,
  pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and  then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will you
  "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations"

  5.. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks  up to you and says:"You are very rich!
  "Can you marry  me?" - That's Brand Recognition"

  6.. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to  her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!"
  She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. -
  "That's Customer Feedback"

  7.. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to  her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she  introduces you to her husband. -
  "That's demand and supply gap"

  8.. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to  her and before you say anything, another person come  and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she  goes with him -
  "That's competition eating into your market share"

  9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to  her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your  wife arrives. -
  "That's restriction for entering new markets"

-Ratankumar

फंटूश कविता

शेवटी येणार येणार म्हणता पुण्याची 'आय पी एल टीम' आली.

मुळ लेखक : छोटा डॉन

शेवटी येणार येणार म्हणता पुण्याची 'आय पी एल टीम' आली.

आता आम्ही वाट पहातो आहे ती टीमच्या नावाची आणि त्यातल्या खेळाडुंची.

ते येईल तेव्हा येईल पण एक (भविष्यातले) पुणेकर ह्या नात्याने आम्ही काही "पुणेरी पाट्या" लागोलाग तयार करुन ठेवत आहोत, पुढे त्याची अर्थातच गरज पडेल ह्याविषयी आमच्या मनात अजिबात संदेह नाही.

* ह्या पाट्या आहेत त्या 'मैदानावरच्या' .....

१. सामन्याची वेळ तुमच्या तिकिटावर छापलेली आहे, उगाच कधीही येऊन गर्दी करु नये.

२. सामन्याच्या वेळेच्या आधी ३० मिनिटे मैदानात प्रवेश दिला जाईल, तुम्ही गडबड केल्याने सामना लवकर सुरु होणार नाही.

३. खुर्चीचा वापर फक्त बसण्यासाठीच करावा ... एका खुर्चीवर एकच !

४. मैदानात पिण्यासाठी (साध्या) पाण्याची व्यवस्था केली आहे, थंड तसेच फिल्टर्ड पाणी आपण दिलेल्या तिकिटाच्या पैशात मिळणार नाही, उगाचच आयोजकांकडे हट्ट धरु नये.

५. मैदानावरचे कॅमेरे हे सामन्याच्या हालचाली टिपण्यासाठी आहेत, उगाच हिडीस चाळे करुन त्यांचे लक्ष वेधण्याचा प्रयत्न करु नये.

६. आपण पुण्यासारख्या एका सुसंस्कृत शहरात एका सार्वजनिक ठिकाणी सामना पहात आहोत ह्याचे भान ठेऊन चियरलिडर्सना खाणाखुणा करु नये किंवा त्यांच्याकडे डोळे फाडुन बघुन लाज आणु नये. अश्लील चाळे कराल तर नुसतीच पोलीस कारवाई नाही तर धिंड काढण्यात येईल.

७. फुंके ( सिगारेट, बिड्या, चिलीम ), थुंके ( तंबाखु, गुटका, मावा, पान ) आणि शिंके ( तपकीर आणि स्वाईन फ्ल्युग्रस्त ) ह्यांना मैदानात मज्जाव.

८. मैदानात दारु विक्री केली जात नाही, मैदानात दारु पिऊ दिली जात नाही, मैदानात बाहेरुन दारु पिऊन आल्यास प्रवेश मिळणार नाही.

९. मैदानात विकत मिळणार्‍या खाद्यपदार्थांची आवरणे, पिशव्या तसेच पाणी किंवा शितपेयाच्या बाटल्या मैदानात फेकु नयेत, बाटलीवरुन खेळाडु घसरुन पडुन जखमी होऊ शकतो ह्याची किमान जाण ठेवावी.

१०. सामन्याच्या वेळी खेळाडुंना पाठिंबा देताना हळु आवाजात आरडाओरड करावी. हा क्रिकेटचा सामना आहे, तमाशाचा फड नव्हे !

११. अनोळखी वस्तुंना स्पर्श करु नये ... व्यक्तींसह !

१२. मैदानातील मोठ्ठे पंखे फक्त दुपारी आणि गर्दी असलेल्या ठिकाणीच लावण्यात येतील. पंख्याखाली बसण्यासाठी मोठ्ठ्या आवाजात भांडण करुन आयोजकांना त्रास देऊ नये.

१३. स्त्रियांचे स्वच्छतागॄह, खेळाडूंचे पॅव्हेलियन, चियरलिडर्स पोडियम, व्हीआयपी गॅलरी, पत्रकार कक्ष इत्यादी ठिकाणी उगाच जास्त घुटमळु नये.

14. सामन्यातील कसल्याही घटनेचा ( सामना हरणे, षटकार मारणे, धावबाद होणे, झेल टाकुन देणे वगैरे ) राग खुर्च्यांवर काढु नये.

15. सामना पहायला आलेल्या प्रेक्षकांचे खेडाळु, चियरलिडर्स, व्हीआयपी यांच्याबरोबर अथवा खेळपट्टी, पत्रकारकक्ष, समालोचन खोली, पॅव्हेलियन, व्हीआयपे बॉक्स इथे 'फोटु काढुन मिळणार नाहीत' किंवा त्याला परवानगी दिली जाणार नाही.

16. सामन्याच्या वेळेदरम्यान तुटलेल्या चपला, कापलेले खिसे, मोडलेला चष्मा, हरवलेली पर्स, गायब झालेला मोबाईल ह्यांची जबाबदारी आयोजकांकडे राहणार नाही. समोरच पोलीस स्टेशन आहे, तिकडे जाऊन तक्रार करावी.

17. हे पुणं आहे, शिमला नव्हे, उन्हाळ्यात गरम होणारच, पण म्हणुन मैदानात सामना पहायला शर्ट काढुन बसु नव्हे. अशा निर्लज्ज प्रेक्षकांना बाहेर काढले जाईल.

18. पाऊस पडल्यास पैसे परत मिळणार नाहीत, कॄपया हवामानखात्याशी सल्लामसलत करुन मगच तिकिट काढावे.

19. परदेशी खेळाडुंच्या अंगचटीला जाऊ नये तसेच त्यांना स्थानिक भाषेत गलिच्छ आणि अश्लील शिव्या देऊन वेडावुन दाखवु नयेत. ते आपले अतिथी आहेत, आपण घरात पाहुण्यांशी असे वागतो का ?

20. राजकीय नेते, सरकारी अधिकारी, स्थानिक दादा ह्यांचा वशिला लाऊन फुकट पास मागु नये. परवडत नसल्यास झाडावर चढुन सामना पहावा.

21. वरील सुचना ह्या चेष्टेचा विषय नव्हे ह्याची नोंद घ्यावी, ह्याची चेष्टा करणार्‍या प्रेक्षकांना संपुर्ण सामना संपोस्तोवर अंधार्‍या खोलीत बळजबरीने बसवुन ठेवले जाईल.

*** ह्या पाट्या आहेत त्या ' आयपीएल-पुणे संघाच्या कार्यालयातल्या" ....

१. फक्त दिवसाचे सामने खेळले जातील, त्यातही दुपारी १-३ असा विश्रांतीचा वेळ राखुन ठेवावा लागेल.

२. रात्रीच्या सामन्याचा चार्ज वेगळा पडेल, कुठल्याही परिस्थीत रात्री ८ वाजता सामना संपवण्याची जबाबदारी आयोजकांची राहिल, सवड मिळाल्यास उरलेला सामना दुसर्‍या दिवशी खेळता येईल.

३. सोमवारी सुट्टी घेतली जाईल.

4. सर्व लोकांना जाहीर निवेदन देण्यात येते की "आयपीएल-पुणे संघ ( पुण्याचा अभिमान, महाराष्ट्राची शान ) " ही आमचा पुर्णपणे स्वतंत्र संघ असुन "मुंबई इंडियन्स, महाराष्ट्र" ह्या संघाशी आमचा कसलाही संबंध नाही. त्या संघाशी केलेल्या व्यवहाराची जबाबदारी केवळ तो मराठी आहे ह्या कारणाने घेतली जाणार नाही. तसेच त्या संघाच्याविषयी आमच्याकडे कसलीच चौकशी करु नये.

5. हा क्रिकेटचा संघ आहे. उगाच गाण्याच्या स्पर्धा, नाचकामाचे कार्यक्रम, पाणपोईचे उद्घाटन, नव्या दुकानाची चित्रफीत कापणे ह्या आणि अशाच इतर कामांसाठी खेळाडुंची चौकशी अथवा मागणी करु नये.

6. क्रिकेट हा एक खेळ आहे ह्याचे भान ठेवावे, आम्ही मॅचफिक्सींग करत नसल्याने जिंकण्याची कसलीच गॅरेंटी देता येणार नाही.

7. देणग्या मागणारे, गौरवनिधी सामने आयोजीत करणारे, सर्व्हे करणारे, फुकटात जाहीरातीसाठी कार्यक्रमाला हजरी लावण्याची विनंती करण्याची शिष्ठमंडळे आदी तत्सम व्यक्ती किंवा संस्था ह्यांना सक्त प्रवेश बंदी आहे, ह्यात कोणत्याही कारणास्तव बदल होणार नाही.

8. आमचे प्रतिस्पर्धी संघ कमी किमतीत खेळत असल्याच्या बढाया आमच्यासमोर मानु नये. आमचे इथे क्वालिटीला प्राधान्य असल्याने कमी किमतीत सामना खेळवण्याचा विचार केला जाणार नाही.

9. आपण आमच्या खेळाबद्दल समाधानी असताल तर इतरांना सांगा, नसताल तर योग्य आणि सभ्य शब्दात आम्हाला सांगा, योग्य दखल घेतली जाईल.

10. आमचेकडे शाळकरी संघांना ट्रेनिंग दिले जात नाही

11. आमच्याशी ठरलेल्या करारानुसार सामना झाल्यावर आमच्याकडुन सदिच्छा म्हणुन खेळाडुंचे टी-शर्ट्स, ट्रॅक सुट्स, टोप्या, बॅटी, चेंडु अथवा तत्सम कुठलेही किमती सामान भेट मिळणार नाही. उगाच हावरटपणा करु नये.

ता.क.: बाकी सुचतील तशा नंतर अ‍ॅड करुच ...

तुर्तास एवढेच.

मुळ लेखक : छोटा डॉन

पुणेरी चपराक !!

पुणेरी चपराक !!
काही वेळेला " खोडी " काढायचं मनात नसतं . पण ग्राहकानं अनाठायी शंका विचारुन बेजार केलं तर " इरसाल पुणेरीउत्तराची " चपराक बसते . उदा .
शिट्टीवर सुरेल गाणं सादर करणारा मित्रवर्य अप्पा कुलकर्णी मुळात महाराष्ट्र बँकेत होता . त्याच्या बँकेसमोरचा रस्ता फक्त ओलांडायचा अवकाश , समोरच आणखी एक सहकारी बँक होती . तिथलाच " चेक " घेऊन आपल्यामहाराष्ट्र बँकेतल्या खात्यात भरण्यासाठी ग्राहक महाशय आले . नेमकं काउंटरवरच्या अप्पाला त्यांनी विचारलं . " कॅश कधी होईल ?"
अप्पा म्हणाला , " उद्या बँकेला सुट्टी आहे , परवा होईल ."
ग्राहाकानं विचारलं , " का पण ? समोरच्या बँकेचा तर चेक आहे . वेळ लागतोच कसा ?"
" अहो . उद्या सुट्टी आहे ...".. अप्पाचा नम्रपणा अद्याप सुटला नव्हता !
" पण समोरच तर बँक आहे ...." ग्राहक हेका सोडेना .
मग खट्याळ अप्पाला राहवेना . तो म्हणाला , " काका , काय आहे , केवळ रस्ता ओलांडल्यावरच्या बँकेचा चेक आहे म्हणुन लगेचच कॅश होतो असं नसतं . प्रोसिजर असते ... असं बघा ."
" काही सांगु नका , प्रोसिजर - बिसिजर !"
" ऐका तर काका ... वैकुंठ, स्मशानभुमीच्या दारातच .. समजा तुम्ही गेलात म्हणजे मेलात तर दारातच गेले म्हणुन सरणावर चढवतील का ? आधी ससुनला नेतील ... चेक करतील .. घरी नेतील .. हार घालतील .. म्रुत्यु पास काढतील .. मग वैकुंठकडे ..!!"
" कळलं ..!" फणकारत ग्राहक महाशय निघुन गेले। अशा इरसाल प्रश्नोत्तरामुळे किंवा " न " विचारता केलेल्या - नोंदविलेल्या प्रक्रियेमुळेच पुण्याचा जिवंतपणा टिकुन आहे ... पूणं कधी ' डल ' होत नाही ..!

Working in an IT company

After lots of meet ups with my non-IT friends, relatives, strangers, rickshaw wallahs, etc




Myth #1: If you are not in the biggies... u are a loser


Auntyji : "Beta, kaunsa tent?"


Me: "Persistent! Aunty I work in Persistent. "


Aunty: "Tumko Info*** mein nahi mila kya?" (in short: "tum second grade gadha lagte ho")





Then I have to make efforts to tell them how I actually work for a much better company. In case the opposite person is technologically sane then I give him some product development 'funda' (arrogance).



Myth #2: If you haven’t been onsite ...u are a loser


Uncle: "Tum do saal se IT company mein kaam kar rahe ho na?"


Me: (tightening my collar..head high) "Haan uncle ......bas ....."


Uncle: "Tum videsh nahi gaye?"


Me: "Nahi uncle project mein requirement nahi hai onsite kaa"


Uncle: "Lekin woh bunty ko toh maanna padegaa.... engg mein 2nd class milaa...fir bhi usne jamke mehnat ki aur usse company ne USA bheja!"



Aaaha! thats the problem. People think that only the smarty pants are sent on site while the loser ones are the people left behind in India. So the assumption is that if you haven't been on site then you don't work hard nor you have any sincerity and ... ok that's enough for now.

 Myth #3: You can fix any computer..and calculator and may be clocks too


Most of the computer engineers around must have at east once gone to a friend's place only to fix his /her comp. The task can be from installing a software (next..next.. finish) to fixing a computer which gives electric shocks when its metal areas are touched.

 Myth #4: You have lots of money


Once I met up with my friends from school ...from various fields. I just


mentioned that it is such a pain to go to office nowadays and said that


I wanted to buy a car.


Friend1: "what problem do u have man .. u are an IT waala"


Friend2: "Tu toh Honda CRV le saktaa hai"


Me: "CRV!! aabey CRV kyaa mere pass VCR lene ka paisa nahi hai"


Even after 5 minutes of convincing them weren't getting convinced.



Myth #5: One more thing which oldies say : “ Now you work in such a big company , you are settled , you should marry now !! “ OMG this salary is not enough for one poor soul.. how to handle two ???



Myth #6: In Diwali…u get questions like……”Are you gonna get a bonus this Diwali…..??” And when we reply in the negative…..they seem so surprised…!!!!!!!



Myth #7: A common issue that I have seen:


When I tell anybody that I work with Infosys, many times I get a reply “My son/daughter/relative Mr/Ms XXX also works with Infosys. You must be knowing him/her” and if I answer in the negative, they feel disappointed (sometimes even angry with me).

How to explain to them that there are around 1,00,000 employees in my company forget about knowing everybody in the company. L LoLzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..

Add ons:


#How many times do you face this question


“What does your company make…???”

#My elder sis too was in Infy. Once a cousin of mine(who must have been 7 or 8 at that time) who was visiting us saw her writing something with an Infosys Pen(that cardboard body wala). Later, when someone asked him where his cousin works, he said “Ek Pen banane wali company mein. Par lagta hai zyada chalta nahi, kabhi naam hi nahi suna”…

जर तू परत नापास झालास तर माला बाबा म्हणू नकोस

वडिल :- जर तू परत नापास झालास तर माला बाबा म्हणू नकोस....


काही दिवसानंतर...
वडिल :- बाळ. तुजा रिझल्ट काय लागला?
मुलगा :- सोड ना यार रमेश, काही विचारू नकोस....

अशी लाथाळी आम्ही जन्मात पाहिली नव्हती

..आणि एके दिवशी कधीही कारणाशिवाय न ओरडणारे ते दोन गाढव निष्कारण ओरडू लागले. एकमेकांना भयंकर लाथाळी करु लागले. चहूबाजूचे लोक धावून आले. 'अशी लाथाळी आम्ही जन्मात पाहिली नव्हती' असे जो तो म्हणू लागला. गाढवीण बुचकळयात पडली. जन्मभर सालसपणाने सेवा करणारे हे गाढव असे का वागताहेत? तिला काही सुचेना. येथे या गाढवांची लाथाळी चाललीच होती. त्या विवंचनेत एके दिवशी संध्याकाळी ती खिन्न मनाने गावातल्या भगिनी-समाजापुढला उकिरडा फुंकीत असताना तिला शेजारच्या कुंभाराची गाढवीण भेटली.

'का, गाढवीणबाई? अशा खिन्न का?'

'काय सांगू बाई तुला? आमच्या जोडीदार गाढवांची हकीकत कळली नाही का तुला?'

'त्या भयंकर लाथाळीची ना?' शेपूट वेळावीत गाढवीण म्हणाली.

'हो!' कुठल्याशा अध्यक्षीणबाईच्या गळयात पडलेला सुकलेला हार खुराने उडवीत पहिली गाढवीण म्हणाली. 'खरं सांगू का तुला?' 'काय?' 'हा लाथाळीचं कारण मला ठाऊक आहे. पण म्हटलं, उगीच दुसऱ्यांच्या भानगडीत आपण का पडा?' 'काय ते?' कानांना नाजुक हिसडा देत गाढवीण म्हणाली. तिच्या काळयाशार नाकपुडया थरथरत होत्या. 'विचारलंस तर सांगते बापडी! परवा काय झालं, मी आणि नाम्या कुंभाराची गाढवीण चरायला निघालो होतो. मी आपली नेहमी इथे भगिनी-समाजापुढे चरायला येते. इथे पुष्कळ अहवाल, भाषणं, प्रसिद्ध महिलांचे संदेश, वगैरे खायला मिळतात. आणि मागच्या खेपेपासून मला ही वर्तमानपत्रं पचेनाशी झाली आहेत. पण नाम्या कुंभाराच्या गाढवीणीनं आग्रह केला म्हणून वाचनालयापुढचा उकिरडा फुंकायला गेले मी! तिथे तुझे ते दोन गाढव आले होते. आणि कुणाला सांगू नकोस, पण दोघांनीही दोन निरनिराळ्या संपादकांची साप्ताहिकं खाल्ली. तेव्हापासून तिथेच त्यांची लाथाळी सुरु झाली... मागे एकदा त्या एका गाढवाने कसला मजूर पुढाऱ्याच्या भाषणाचा कागद खाल्ला होता, तेव्हा तो त्याच्या कुंभारालाच लाथा मारायला लागला होता.

'पण याला उपाय काय बाई?'

'अगं, सोपा आहे. गावात तो सिनेमा आहे ना तिथे नटींची चित्रं छापलेल्या जाहिराती वाटतात. पाच-पाच जाहिराती सकाळ- संध्याकाळ खायला घाल त्यांना. लगेच गप्प होतात की नाही पाहा.' असे म्हणून दुसरी गाढवीण 'महिला आणि क्रांती'तले उरलेले भाषण खाऊ लागली. पहिली गाढवीण सिनेमाच्या रस्त्याने धावू लागली.

'तिच्या धावण्यात एक मुक्त आनंदाचा अटूट आविष्कार होता' असे वाङमयमंदिरापुढे उभा असलेला एक गाढव नंतर कोणालासे सांगत होता.

... अपूर्ण (अभिरुची',मे १९४७ )

"A Wednesday" dialogue - Rephrased for s/w engineers

All of you who have seen the movie  ‘A Wednesday’... will love it...


Project Manager Rathore : kaun ho tum..??? kya pehcan hai tumhari ?

Unkonwn Caller :  Kaun hoon mein...mein vo hu jo aaj committment karne se darta hai, Mein vo hoon jo aaj ghar jaane se darta ha, ye soch ke kahin ghar wale pehchanne se inkar na kar de...

mein vo hoon jo, aaj job change karta hai to sochta hai ki kahin recession mein mujhe company se na nikal de..

mein vo hoon jiski girlfriend usse friday  ko dus bar phone karti hai, "kya kar rahe ho..?? kaam jyada hai..?? thak gaye ho..?? "
mera haal poochne ke liye ya kaam poochne ke liye nahi,  rathore saab... balki vo ye jaanaa chahti hai ki... kahin hamesha ki tarah end moment pe
boss ke bulane pe mein saturdary ki date cancel to nahi kar raha...

mein vo hoon jo breakfast ke time pe dinner karta hai, lunch time pe breakfast karta hai, dinner ke time pe lunch karta hai.. vo bhi time mil jae to...

mein vo hoon jo aksar phasta hain
kabhi Interviews ke sawaal mey phasta hai , kabhi Badi companiyon ke jaal mey phasta hai, kabhi boss  aur client ke bawaal mey fasta hai.

Project office ki bheed  to dekhi hogi aapne rathore saab... us bheed mein se ko bhi chehra chun lijie.. mein vo hoon..

I'm the same old ..STUPID SOFTWARE ENGINEER....

Speech by Chetan Bhagat at Symbiosis

Speech by Chetan Bhagat at Symbiosis

Don’t just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order.

There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.

"Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same is with life where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die. ……………….

One thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. Life is not meant to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? …………….

It's ok, bunk a few classes, scoring low in couple of papers, goof up a few interviews, take leave from work, fall in love, little fights with your spouse. We are people, not programmed devices........." :)

"Don't be serious, be sincere."!!

समजा मी तुम्हाला १००० रु. दिले....

मित्र-मैत्रीणींनो

नमस्कार...

काल नवरसरंग कविता महास्पर्धेत ’भय रसात’ पहिला नंबर आला म्हणुन,

बायकोनी १००० रुपये दिले.

लहान मुलासारखा खुष झालो आणि हे हजार रुपये कसे खर्च करायचे त्याची यादी केली.

ही यादी तुम्हाला आवडेल यात शंकाच नाही, 

पण समजा हे हजार रुपये मी तुम्हाला दिले, तर तुम्ही काय कराल ?

विचार करा आणि जरुर कळवा....

माझी यादी......

कुसुमाग्रजांचा एक कवितासंग्रह	रु. १५०
३ गजरे आणि थोडी चाफ्याची फुलं	रु. २५
२० चांदोबा (रद्दीवाल्याने ३ रुपायाला एक, असे दिल्याने...)	रु. ६०
सुमारे १०० पोस्ट्कार्ड - हरवलेल्या मित्रांसाठी	रु. ५०
पुणे दर्शन - तिथल्या प्रवेश शुल्कासह (पुण्यात राहुनही आगाखान पॅलेस बघितलंच नाहीये अजुन )	रु. २००
बॉबीचं पाकीट (तीच ती, लहानपणी बोटात घालुन खायचो ती, पिवळ्या रंगाची )	रु. १०
बर्फाचा गोळा... नव्हे दोन गोळे....	रु. १०
चन्यामन्या बोरं... मग ओघाओघानी चिंचा आणि आवळे	रु. २५
एक बॉलपेन	रु. २०
ओरीगामीचे कागद	रु. ४०
साबणाचे फुगे (३ रुपयाला मिळणारी ही मजा १० रुपयांना कधी झाली कळालचं नाही.)	रु. १०
४ प्लेट पाणीपुरी	रु. ४०
वसंतरावांच्या ’मारवा’ची एक सीडी	रु. १७५
माधुरी दिक्षितचं एक मोठं पोस्टर (ती नेने होण्यापुर्वीचं....)	रु. ६०
लॉटरीचं एक तिकिट - ११ कोटीचं.. (सगळ्या गरजा भागायला निदान इतके तरी हवेच.... !)	रु. १०
एक छोटा ट्रांझीस्टर - फक्त आकाशवाणी साठी	रु. ७५
काही कोरे कागद आणि तेलकट खडुची पेटी	रु. १५
रोज आशेनं बघणा-या, त्या सिग्नलवरच्या पोरासाठी....	रु. १०
एकुण	रु. ९८५

कोण म्हणतं की आज काल हजार रुपायात काही येत नाही ?

खरं तर काय येत नाही हजार रुपयात... ? आणि ह्या पलिकडे घेण्यासारखं तरी काय उरलय... ?

माझ्याकडे तर १५ रुपये अजुन बाकी आहेत......

माझं पाकीट तुमच्या यादीची वाट पाहतय....

खरं तर तुमचंच मन तुमच्या यादीची वाट पाहतय...

जमलं तर थोडा वेळ काढाच ह्यासाठी !

Winners are...

A real story ...A conversation between a Soldier and Software Enggr in Shatabdi Train ..... .....An interesting incident.... ....!

Vivek Pradhan was not a happy man.. He was the Project Manager and still not entitled to air travel.

It was not the prestige he sought, he had tried to reason with the admin person, it was the savings in time.

He opened his case and took out the laptop, determined to put the time to some good use.

'Are you from the software industry sir,' the man beside him was staring appreciatively at the laptop.

Vivek glanced briefly and mumbled in affirmation, handling the laptop now with exaggerated care

and importance as if it were an expensive car.

'You people have brought so much advancement to the country, Sir. Today everything is getting computerized. '

'Thanks,' smiled Vivek, turning around to give the man a look. He always found it difficult to resist appreciation.

'You people always amaze me,' the man continued, 'You sit in an office and write something on a computer

and it does so many big things outside.'

Vivek smiled deprecatingly. Naiveness demanded reasoning not anger.. 'It is not as simple as that, my friend.

It is not just a question of writing a few lines. There is a lot of process that goes behind it.'

'It is complex, very complex.'

'It has to be. No wonder you people are so highly paid,' came the reply.

This was not turning out as Vivek had thought. A hint of belligerence crept into his so far affable, persuasive tone. ' Everyone just sees the money. No one sees the amount of hard work we have to put in. .

 'Let me give you an example. Take this train. The entire railway reservation system is computerized. You can book a train ticket between any two stations from any of the hundreds of computerized booking centres across the country.

Thousands of transactions accessing a single database, at a time concurrently; data integrity, locking, data security.

Do you understand the complexity in designing and coding such a system?'

The man was awestuck; quite like a child at a planetarium.

 'You design and code such things.'

'I used to,' Vivek paused for effect, 'but now I am the Project Manager.'

'Oh!' sighed the man, as if the storm had passed over, 'so your life is easy now.'

This was like the last straw for Vivek. He retorted, 'Oh come on, does life ever get easy as you go up the ladder.

Responsibility only brings more work.

Design and coding! That is the easier part. Now I do not do it, but I am responsible for it and believe me,

that is far more stressful. My job is to get the work done in time and with the highest quality.

To tell you about the pressures, there is the customer at one end, always changing his requirements,

the user at the other, wanting something else, and your boss, always expecting you to have finished it yesterday.'

'My friend,' he concluded triumphantly, 'you don't know what it is to be in the Line of Fire'.

The man sat back in his chair, his eyes closed as if in realization. When he spoke after sometime, it was with

a calm certainty that surprised Vivek.

'I know sir,...... I know what it is to be in the Line of Fire.......'

He was staring blankly, as if no passenger, no train existed, just a vast expanse of time.

'There were 30 of us when we were ordered to capture Point 4875 in the cover of the night.

The enemy was firing from the top.

There was no knowing where the next bullet was going to come from and for whom.

In the morning when we finally hoisted the Tricolour at the top only 4 of us were alive.'

'You are a...?'

'I am Subedar Sushant from the 13 J&K Rifles on duty at Peak 4875 inKargil. They tell me I have completed my term and can opt for a soft assignment.

But, tell me sir, can one give up duty just because it makes life easier.

On the dawn of that capture, one of my colleagues lay injured in the snow, open to enemy fire while we were hiding behind a bunker.

It was my job to go and fetch that soldier to safety.

But my captain sahib refused me permission and went ahead himself.

He said that the first pledge he had taken as a Gentleman Cadet was to put the "Safety and Welfare of the Nation foremost followed by the Safety and Welfare of the Men" he commanded...

....his own personal safety came last, always and every time.'

'He was killed as he shielded and brought that injured soldier into the bunker. Every morning thereafter,

as we stood guard, I could see him taking all those bullets, which were actually meant for me.

I know sir....I know, what it is to be in the Line of Fire.'

Vivek looked at him in disbelief not sure of how to respond. Abruptly, he switched off the laptop. It seemed trivial, even insulting to edit a Word document in the presence of a man for whom valour and duty was a daily part of life; valour and sense of duty which he had so far attributed only to epical heroes. The train slowed down as it pulled into the station, and Subedar Sushant picked up his bags to alight.

'It was nice meeting you sir.'

Vivek fumbled with the handshake.

This hand... had climbed mountains, pressed the trigger, and hoisted the tricolour.

Suddenly, as if by impulse, he stood up at attention and his right hand went up in an impromptu salute.

It was the least he felt he could do for the country.

PS: The incident he narrated during the capture of Peak 4875 is a true-life incident during the Kargil war.

Capt. Batra sacrificed his life while trying to save one of the men he commanded, as victory was within sight.

For this and various other acts of bravery, he was awarded the
Live humbly, there are great people around us, let us learn!



Winners are .....
too busy to be sad,
too positive to be doubtful,
too optimistic to be fearful, and,
too determined to be defeated


It is Wise not to seek a Secret.......and Honest not to Reveal it...

Regards.......
Queeni Arora